More than 385,000 babies were born in Canada last year and just 3% of those were twins. Their uniqueness is something we might like to speculate about but what is it like being a twin, and what is the experience of raising twins?
Shawn and Amanda Follick were parenting 4-year old Kalen and 2-year old Alyssa when they went for a five-month ultrasound. Since they didn’t want to know the gender of the baby she was carrying, Shawn was reluctant to look at the monitor. When he asked the technician if he was going to see something he did not want to, she responded, “Um, that depends.” At that point Amanda just knew. “I remember my eyes popping out and saying, ‘it’s not two, is it?’” When the news was confirmed Shawn said all he could think about was vehicles. “Honestly, the first thing out of my mouth was I have to look for a different truck.” Amanda laughed and said, “And he did. I had a doctor’s appointment after that so he dropped me off and went to the dealership. My whole life flashed before me and he worried about vehicles.” On January 23, 2010 identical twins Linaya and Addison were born.
Steven and Jill Lee were in different countries when Jill’s pregnancy was confirmed, but side-by-side at the 6-week mark when they were told it was twins. “I was just shocked,” Jill remarked, “and I asked them to tell me again.” She remembers smiling nervously when they left the appointment and spending the rest of the day saying, “there’s two of them, there’s two of them.” But once the information set in they got to work getting ready. “It was overwhelming at first,” Steven said, “but then when we started buying and setting things up it sunk in, seeing two of everything. We waited so long and were so grateful.” May 12, 2018 they became parents to fraternal twins Eleanor and Harper.
Twins can come as a surprise as they did when Grace (Fallis) Davidson and her brother Allan were born in Cupar, SK in 1922. Grace shared, “They had no idea it was twins. Mom asked dad, ‘Did I get my girl?’ and he said, ‘Yes, and a boy too.’ They were quite shocked.” Each of the babies weighed less than four pounds and the story is told that their dad kept the stove on and their little baskets sat on the door of the oven to keep them warm. Those babies thrived and it is clear from the smile on Grace’s face how special her connection was with Allan. “Being a twin is wonderful” she remarked. “All those years growing up you always have a friend.” Indeed, they were the best of friends. At recess time students would go outside to play but Grace and Allan would often run home to play, just the two of them. “We didn’t need other friends,” Grace said. “We were just fine, the two of us playing together.” Grace feels they would have been close regardless, as they were with their older brother Ivan, but twins provided a unique connection; one that continued into adulthood. When Allan was overseas in the Second World War, Grace was in Nurse’s training in Regina. She became very sick and was hospitalized following a ruptured appendix. When she and Allan got in touch later they discovered he had been in the hospital in England at the very same time. “Always when he was sick, I was sick.” She missed Allan very much when he was overseas, so for three years she wrote to him every single day.
Amber Turton and her identical twin Ami certainly look alike, and as adults discovered they share similar style and tastes. When Amber is looking at an item while shopping, her husband Justin will tell her she better buy one for her sister too, because he knows that is exactly what she is considering. For Amber it’s just part of sharing her life with someone who has been there from the beginning. “How can there not be a special connection,” she wondered, “when you’re together for the first 20 years of your lives? You don’t necessarily need anyone else because that person is always there. It’s hard to explain the connection, but it’s there.” Growing up in Assiniboia, SK the girls shared a bedroom until they were 12 years old, then wanted rooms of their own, just like their younger brother and sister; and after being in the same class for kindergarten and grade 1, asked to be put in different classrooms. “The teachers were a little reluctant I think to split us up, but they did it, and I think it was great. It helped to promote individuality,” Amber explained. “In our case I was a bit more dominant and Ami was more of a go-with-the-flow personality, and so it was probably good for both of us to become our own person.” She said there were times she wanted to be a ‘me’ and not an ‘us’, affirming the fact that they are two separate people with different personalities and different dreams. That knowledge has informed her parenting now that she and her husband are raising three boys. “I didn’t have twins but it reminds me how different kids are. Whatever strengths I see in each one, I am trying to nurture that.”
When Shawn and Amanda brought Linaya and Addison home they now had twin infants, and two other little ones to care for in a time they describe as a blur. Just how hectic it was became apparent to Amanda when she went to the dentist. “They weren’t even a year yet and I thought how relaxing it was, just like being at the spa. There’s nice music. I’m relaxed in this chair and nobody needs anything from me. That’s when I knew things were bad,” she said with a laugh. The hectic nature of that time was a challenge, but they wouldn’t have had it any other way. “I remember after having them we would say if we had just a single baby it would be so boring,” she explained. “From a very early age it was so fun seeing how they interacted with each. We would notice how they would sit on our laps and make faces and respond to each other.” They certainly have watched that connection grow. “They have such a bond,” Shawn said. “They do everything together and they enjoy that.” They describe it as twin mode at times when the girls are oblivious to anything else. Amanda said, “I don’t even know how to explain it. They’re just playing and don’t even realize others are around them. When they’re in twin mode they want to dress the same and do everything the same.” Yet as parents they are aware of the importance of recognizing individuality so they talk about different abilities each of their children have and call it “their special thing.”
That is something not far from Steven and Jill’s thoughts as well. One-year olds Harper and Eleanor will look and see what the other one is doing and go join in. “They’ll even fake cry or fake cough to match the other,” Steven says, “but they definitely have distinct personalities.” He stresses how important it is not to compare them. “They are the same age, but they are two different people and have different things they like to do.”
The joys and challenges of raising twins are ones these parents are fully embracing, even if it means extra attention from people who want to share their story. “People will come up to you from anywhere,” Steven remarked, “just to tell you they are a twin or know someone who is a twin.” Jill added, “And that’s just so fun. I love that.” Since less than 6,000 sets of twins are born across the country each year it puts these families in a unique group. Shawn said, “It’s such a blessing but it’s a lot of work. When you talk to other parents of twins they just get it.”
Life transitions have an impact on twins yet clearly the ties are always there. Marriage and careers took Grace and Allan to different places but they spoke every week on the phone, and in the years after losing their spouses, those phone calls became a daily occurrence. “We could chat away about things that nobody else was interested in,” Grace remarked. “We were never short of something to say.”
In the past year both the Lee and the Follick families moved into new homes and for each set of twins that meant separate bedrooms. Steven and Jill say their girls are sleeping better now since they’re not waking each other up, and although it was a decision they went back and forth on, it’s one they are glad they made. Linaya and Addison, now 9 1/2, have their own bedrooms that are connected by a walk-thru closet, so they can share clothes but still have their own space. Their personalities emerged when decorating their rooms; Addison chose a favorite color while Linaya wanted to make hers all about Paris. A sliding door will give them privacy as they get older but for now their parents say they are often found sneaking into each other’s rooms so they can stay together.
Amber and Ami text or call everyday, so even though Ami lives in Moosomin and Amber is in Outlook they are very involved in each other’s lives, and their families have gotten accustomed to what happens when the two of them get together. “Our spouses accepted that it’s a bit of a package deal,” Amber explained. “They know that when we’re together we are going to do our thing, just the two of us together and the outside world is just a little bit removed.”
As for the most senior twin featured in this story; after more than 96 years of sharing everything, Grace had to go through the pain of losing Allan when he passed away in March. But right to the end their connection was evident, even as she was living in Outlook and he in Nanaimo, BC. Grace’s daughter, Debbie Redden said, “When he was failing mom would say that Allan’s not having a very good today or he didn’t have a good night, and when I’d ask how she knew, she would say, ‘Oh, I can feel it’. When we talked to his daughter she’d tell me he’d been going through a hard time. Mom just knew something was going on.”
Next month Grace will turn 97 and although she can’t imagine a birthday without her twin, her family assures her Allan would want her to celebrate. Debbie remarked, “When it comes to birthdays we need to celebrate them all.” There’s little doubt all these individuals, blessed by the strong connection of family, would agree.
